Boueitai Boost
by Dictator4Life
Summary: A hapless high school student. A sadistic furry (who occasionally turns into a hot mafioso). Together, they fight crime. R27


_KHR belongs to Akira Amano. I'm just borrowing it. This fic was also inspired by_ Kigurumi Guardians _, a frankly hilarious manga (with some weird elements that could squick you, but nothing too extreme if you read too much manga, like I do). The chase scene was inspired by a similar scene in the anime_ Nichijou _, which is also freaking hilarious, with no squick this time._

* * *

"Tsu-kun, you're going to be late to the entrance ceremony!"

"I know, I know!" Tsuna shrieked, hopping on one foot as he desperately attempted to put a sock on the other. Unfortunately, his balance being what it was, this endeavour could only end in tragedy. He tumbled to the floor (and nearly bit through his tongue on impact), but finally managed to yank his sock up once horizontal.

He scrambled to his feet, snatched up his school bag, and trampled down the stairs as quickly as he could without losing another fight with gravity. (Tsuna's hair was the only part of his body that won those altercations.)

"I heard a thump, do you need an ice pack?" his mother asked sweetly, well used to her son's graceless nature. He had the coordination of a gangly teen, minus the gangliness. If you took away the hair he was of a height with her, although he was beginning his second year of high school.

"I'm okay, mom, thanks!" Tsuna said, and snatched a piece of toast to cram entirely into his mouth. He endured Nana's kiss to his forehead and scurried for the genkan, sitting only long enough to shove his shoes on, foregoing the laces entirely.

"Good luck, Tsu-kun! Come home soon!"

The words were less than reassuring, but Tsuna knew he needed all the luck and well-wishes he could get. His high school career had so far been dismal, at best, and he was already eager for this new year to end. Even Nana had given up on his finding a niche or an extracurricular he enjoyed and simply expressed her relief on the rare occasions that he managed to make it back without incident.

"I'm off!" he said, through the wad of jam and toast in his mouth, managing to keep the spray of crumbs to a minimum.

"Stay safe!"

A futile sentiment, but appreciated all the same.

Tsuna shut the door behind him, then started running, through the gate, past the person in the fursuit, past the mailbox, and across the street. He only stopped once he reached a red light, panting heavily and absently hoping his lungs wouldn't collapse. Tsuna's stamina was abysmal, but running from things was something he had a lot of practice with. Though in this case he was running _to_ something, in the hopes of avoiding Hibari-san's wrath. It's not like he had anything to run from this early in the morn—

Wait.

Tsuna replayed the sequence of events in his head. _Out the door, through the gate, past the…_

 _The..._

 _?!_

He heard the faint sound of pounding feet, moving at a frankly astonishing rate, growing steadily closer. Deep, terrified foreboding took root in his soul. He turned his head slowly and stiffly, like a rusty screw, silently praying he was mistaken, that his mother had accidentally put hallucinogens in his breakfast.

The person in the fursuit was sprinting full speed at him with the form of an Olympian. The dead plastic eyes set in the head thing were set on him, darker than the pits of hell and twice as malicious. Its cute and fuzzy maw gaped, full of cute and fuzzy fangs tipped with decidedly _not_ cute and fuzzy red stains.

"Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Tsuna said, unable to sound his trademark shriek through his closed up throat, and fled.

Oh god oh god oh god oh god —

Something that felt like a claw brushed the back of his blazer.

"HIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Tsuna reached speeds he had always assumed himself, not to mention most humans, to be incapable of. He could hear the rapid, heavy _thwack thwack thwack_ of cute and fuzzy paws, barely a foot behind him, and sobbed in frantic, terrified confusion. What was the purpose of this sadistic game of cat and mouse? (At least he thought it was a cat — it might have had horns, he wasn't in a position to check.) Was there a convention in town? _Why did it have blood on its teeth?_

His eyes were so filled with tears that he didn't actually know where he was, could no longer hear anything but his own pounding heart and earsplitting shrieks. It was inevitable that he would plow right in to someone. That someone just happened to be Kusakabe Tetsuya.

Tsuna's velocity smacked them both into the fence, and they fell to the ground, stunned. They were immediately surrounded by loud, aggressive boys with regent hairstyles, who were all eager to discipline whoever it was that had attacked their second in command.

Tsuna leaped to his feet with uncharacteristic fluidity, eyes flashing with intense paranoia as he looked wildly around for his pursuer. The Disciplinary Committee members stilled, surprised that _Dame-Tsuna,_ of all people, had the sheer _gall_ to attack one of them.

All eyes that were observing the scene simultaneously flicked to Kusakabe, who was still prone on the ground and didn't look like he'd be moving any time soon. A bump the size of his pompadour was forming on the back of his head; against all odds, Sawada's blitz attack had knocked him out cold.

" _Where is it?_ " Tsuna screeched, turning in frantic circles. The creature had been right behind him! It had been about to _eat_ him, he was sure of it! It could be anywhere! The school was in danger!

The entire courtyard was silent, new and old students alike united in staring at him in complete and utter bafflement.

"Oi, Dame-Tsuna—" one bepompadoured young man ventured, and cut himself off when eyes gleaming brightly with madness snapped to him.

Tsuna couldn't actually tell who he had run into or who now stood around him, his eyes still shining with unshed tears. Where was Hibari-san? Hibari-san could save them all! If anyone could stand toe-to-claw with a fursuited axe murderer, it was the terrifying Disciplinary Committee chairman.

Someone called his name, belittling prefix attached, and he immediately ordered, "Get Hibari!"

The crowd stirred. A challenge?! Was Dame-Tsuna declaring his intent to brawl with Hibari, after taking out his deputy?

" _Now!_ " Dame-Tsuna yelled, and everyone who could hear him snapped to attention at the undeniable command in his voice. Was this really Dame-Tsuna? Had he gone crazy over break, finally snapping after over a decade of mockery and bullying perpetrated by practically the entirety of Namimori?

"Oi, Sawada!" a raspy voice called, and a boy almost as infamous as Dame-Tsuna himself pushed his way through the crowd. "Are you really challenging Hibari? That's extreme!"

Tsuna didn't actually recognize the voice, and so didn't respond, working on keeping his tears at bay. He could sense a lot of people in the courtyard (huh, adrenaline had never given him such acute awareness before, even when he really needed it), and crying in front of them all would lower his horrible social standing even further. He needed to focus on saving them from the beast that would undoubtedly kill them all. He was the only one who could warn them!

Dame-Tsuna didn't deny Sasagawa's question, just stood there silently, his eyes hidden from view. Determination rolled off him in almost palpable waves. All were silent, waiting with bated breath for the inevitable —

"Cease crowding, or I will bite you to death."

"Hibari-san!" Tsuna cried, desperately relieved, and darted at him. He remembered why this was a bad idea when Hibari swung a tonfa at him, but he was still so keyed up (and oddly perceptive, ostensibly due to adrenaline) that he ducked to avoid it before his head caught up with what his body was doing.

"Hoh?" Hibari said, and attacked again, wind whistling with the speed and force of his blows. None of them connected. Tsuna ducked and dodged and weaved, growing more and more desperate when his pleas for Hibari to listen were soundly ignored.

"Hibari-san!" Tsuna finally shrieked, and consciously allowed a forceful roundhouse to land on his ribs so that he could clamp his arm down and trap Hibari's leg. Something snapped in his torso, and he fell to one knee, keeping his death grip on Hibari's ankle despite the pain. " _Listen to me_."

The courtyard fell silent once more. Tsuna hadn't realized how loud it had gotten, too wrapped up in his quest, but he gratefully seized the moment to say, "I was chased by a giant carnivorous fuzzy thing and it tried to _bite_ me and please please please kill it before it tries to hurt anyone else."

Hibari lowered his tonfa fractionally. "A carnivore tried to bite you. In _my_ territory."

"Yes!" Tsuna said, nodding so hard his tears splattered against the ground and Hibari's uniform pants. He was pretty sure his ribs were broken he was probably having a panic attack, so he was entitled. "I was trying to warn you!"

" _That's_ what you wanted?" a Disciplinary Committee member ventured.

" _Yes!_ I don't know what's so hard to understand," Tsuna nearly yelled, still crying because _ow._

"Let go of my leg, omni— _herbi_ vore," Hibari said imperiously. "Any trespassing carnivores will be bitten to death."

Tsuna stiffly acquiesced, then doubled over, still clutching his side. Hibari's shiny black shoes paused by his head, and he said, "Bring Tetsu and the herbivore to the infirmary. The rest of you, get to the entrance ceremony, or I'll bite you to death."

He left, and the courtyard was silent once again.

The past ten minutes of Tsuna's life finally registered in his brain, which was finally going back to normal now that no immediate threat on his life was present.

A small, forlorn, "Hiiieee," and Tsuna passed the fuck out.

From its vantage point in a nearby tree, hidden by the branches, a cute and fuzzy figure was bent double, choking on its own laughter.

* * *

 _Guess who's starting another crack fic when I should be writing my other stuff? This guy!_

 _Like most of my KHR stuff, this will have elements of All27, but the main ship is R27. Let me know if you'd like to see more!_


End file.
